To Bella
by gilmoreluv
Summary: This story is set around "I'm OK , You're OK" I am a complete JAVAJUNKIE but Luke got on my nerves in the 6th season so I wrote this..its sad with a kind of magical ending..Review good or bad i want feedback..has nothing to do with Twilight just GG...
1. Lorelai's Irony

To Bella

**** ok so I'm writing this other story called The Good and The Bad but I haven't been able to update and while I was having a writer's block for that story I came up with this one its complete so I will try to upload it all at once****

Lorelai is on the couch crying with a pillow clutched to her stomach holding the pregnancy test. The test that told her she was once again pregnant. The test that told her you are so close yet so far away, and even though it mocked her she held on to it for dear life. The tears were no stranger to her eyes or face she had cried herself to sleep ever since they "postponed" the wedding. She hated this new her, the wonder woman she had made everyone believe she was, the wonder woman she had made herself believe she was, was gone. Then she thought maybe the woman she was now had always been her.

She put the pillow on the couch and walked upstairs into "their" bedroom and she went to the back of "their "closet and she pulled out two books. One was a beige color that seemed that it had once been white but had turned beige over time, the other one was a pearl color and was still in the box it had come in. She opened the beige one and on the first page was a pregnancy test with a pink line strip that meant positive. On top of the test it said "Lorelai Leigh Gilmore" and on the bottom it said "April, 14, 1984". Lorelai had always told everyone including Rory that she had named her after herself once the Demerol had kicked in, but the truth was that she had always planned to name her Lorelai, and the reason behind it was that she hoped her daughter would erase some of the bad memories her name had brought to her parents and replace them with good ones, a new and improved Lorelai and it had worked for the most part.

She looked through it quickly she passed the first ultrasound then the rest week per week and it ended with Rory's name card both of their hospital bracelets and the hat they gave her at the hospital. She sighed and opened the new one, ands he remembered how excited Luke had been when she told him what it was for. She laughed a pity laugh at how ironic her life had turned out to be. She opened the book to the first page out the new pregnancy test in it then wrote "Isabella Victoria Danes April 5, 2006". She was angry; angry at herself for letting this happen again, for believing it would be right this time.

She closed the book put them both next to her on the bed and cried herself to sleep again.

**** I know its short bt the story gets better..let me know what you think****


	2. Who is Luke? Who is Lorelai?

When Luke got home he found Lorelai asleep. He saw how her cheeks were full of her mascara and that her eyes were red and puffy.

This was not the first time he had found her like that, but he never asked her what was wrong.

If something was truly wrong she would tell him right? He saw the books but he only recognized the pearl colored one.

He opened it and saw the test and what Lorelai had written. Then he thought the Lorelai he knew would not find out she was pregnant and not tell him. She would not take a pregnancy test that came out positive and then fall asleep.

He woke her up and saw how those beautiful bright blue eyes were now bloodshot and now a dull colored grey, but he figured it was the stress at the inn and her parents stuff like that.

"Hey" she said weakly plastering on a fake smile; she had become a pro at that.

"Hey" he said back and kissed her

Lorelai kissed him back but she didn't feel anything the spark that she used to feel when they kissed was dying just like her hopes of marrying Luke

She said "oo give me another one" thinking "maybe this time I'll feel something" but she felt nothing.

He picked up the book and went straight to it" Were you going to tell me?"

Lorelai felt that feeling in her stomach. She could never describe what it was or how it felt but she hated it, because she got it every time Luke doubted her or eve time he said that he would see her after April left.

"Luke of course I was going to tell you"

"When after it was born, or maybe on its first birthday party when you need ice"

"Tonight" she yelled I was going to tell you tonight" why was he acting this way wasn't this suppose to be something good, and why was he calling the baby it hadn't he read the name on the book

"Really and why until tonight huh why didn't you go run to the diner like when you bought the damn book"

Lorelai couldn't help but cry. That "damn" book like he called it was the book that was suppose to hold the memories of their first child together but she got herself together and said quietly

"You called me at the inn and told me April was going to be at the diner from 3-8 and since I can't be anywhere near April I worked until 6, came home, took the test and put it in Bella's book and fell asleep…I was going to tell you when you came home because you told me you were closing tonight. Now if you'll excuse me I have paperwork to catch up on, you should leave its late you have to close…see you when you come home if you want to and if you don't I don't give a damn because apparently you don't give a damn either"

She grabbed Bella's book and walked out feeling worse than ever. How could he say all those things this wasn't the Luke she knew. Then she remembered she wasn't the Lorelai she knew either.

When she got to the inn she locked herself in her office sat on the couch and opened Bella's book she turned the page and began to write…


	3. My Dear Child

**** I realized I didn't write a disclaimer so here is my disclaimer.... I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING REGARDING GILMORE GIRLS..ITS ALL AMY SHERMAN-PALLADINO'S....SHES LIKE MY HERO...****

Bella you have no idea how happy I am that you're here inside me.

I know I haven't shown excitement today but I am happy.

You are the light in the darkness that surrounds me. Well you and Rory.

I am sorry you had to come at such a crappy time for your dad and me.

I wish I could assure you that your dad is excited too but in these past few months he's changed I don't know who he is anymore and he doesn't know who I am either.

You know a long time ago before your dad and I got together. I told him I would never get the whole package you know love, comfort, safety.

He told me I was going to get it, and I believed him and then we got engaged and I realized how much I love him and how ready I was to become Donna Reed…Ok maybe not Donna Reed more like Samantha Stephens

But every time I got to the whole package window the clerk went out to lunch and I had to go to the next window and get a package that has something missing or broken.

Now with your dad I began to lose my package one thing at a time.

First it was the safety.. I remember my dad once told me that I didn't need protecting and I knew I didn't but that didn't mean I didn't want it.

Your dad use to put his arm around my waist when we slept and with that simple gesture I felt that nothing and no one could hurt me.

Now I'm lucky if his arm brushes against mine or if he evens stays here.

The comfort left with the safety. The fact that we don't tell each other everything like we used to. Or that we only talk on the phone like once or twice a week.

Or what's worst that he knows I've been crying myself to sleep and he thinks nothing's wrong. Or the fact that he hasn't noticed I don't drink as much coffee as before.

Now my love for your dad will never end I can tell you that much…I guess it's the only thing I know won't change

That and just like I did with Rory I'll give you the whole package. I will also be wonder woman for you.

Although I won't be the same wonder woman, and I'm sorry you get the cheap version…

I wish you could've met the old wonder woman…you would've liked her better

I love you Bella

Always mommy

**** sorry the chapters are so short but i think i get my point accross better this way..oh and also thanks to all of my reviewers****


	4. Bella's Picture Day

Hi Bella it's been 2-3 weeks since I found out about you, and I know I haven't written in here since the day I found out about you but it's just… well I'm not going to feed you my problems when you haven't even been born yet.

Anyways your dad left on a trip with his…with your big sister April today and you know it's good …but he won't get to go with me to my first ultrasound of you

Your very first picture that I'm going to put in your book just like I did with Rory

I can show him the picture when he gets back…hmmm you know what's weird

I have your dad yet it seems like I'm going through this alone again…

Lane is getting married this week…it's so weird…well weird for me. But I'm happy for her

At least someone in town is getting married… well I'm looking forward to seeing you for the first time Bella

I love you Bella

Always Mommy

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That same day Rory and Lorelai went to the Dr's office. However Lorelai told Rory to wait outside.

It's not that she didn't want her there , but she wasn't the person who was suppose to be there, and if she was going to do this alone she might as well do it from the beginning.

Lorelai was on a bed with her shirt up and the Dr. was moving the wand around her stomach to find Bella.

While the Dr was finding the baby only one thing was on Lorelai's mind and it was "Luke should be here" but he wasn't and she had to face the fact that he wasn't.

Suddenly the Dr shook her from her thoughts by saying "Lorelai here is your baby".

Lorelai looked up and saw the tiny weird shaped thing that was their baby… well biologically theirs because emotionally Bella was only hers.

She let out a single tear and just above a whisper she said " wow".

***** This one was super short but the next one is gonna get better*****


	5. A Picture Broken

Lorelai couldn't let go of the ultrasound picture because it was basically the only connection she felt with Luke.

Because she didn't feel the love Luke said she had for her and she wasn't sure if Luke felt the love she gave him.

She didn't want to put the picture in the book until she had shown it to Luke…

She wanted to put something positive about her and Luke in the book.

The day Luke got back Lorelai went to the diner. Luke kissed her hello, and again Lorelai felt almost nothing but she moved on from it and said "hey I want to show you something"

"Really what?" just when Lorelai had Luke's full attention the phone rang Cesar answered it and said "Luke it's for you, its April"

Luke immediately turned away from Lorelai took the phone and asked Lorelai "Is it important?"

Lorelai looked at him with pleading eyes and said "yeah very important"

Luke sighed "Well can it wait I have April on the phone here"

Lorelai felt the pang in her stomach again and put on a fake smile and said "yes it can wait"

She looked down at the ultrasound picture and said quietly "We've been waiting"

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************

She went home got out Bella's book put the picture in and began to write.

"I really wanted to write something positive in here today honey…but I guess that's not going to happen and I'm sorry…he didn't even give me a chance to show him the picture…god when…no wait why did this get so messed up…

He was supposed to be happy when I told him I'm pregnant he was supposed to be at the Dr's office with me holding my hand.

He said kids would be good…when did that change…I'm sorry Bella…I'm really sorry

I love you Bella… (I wish I could write always daddy some reassurance might be nice)

Always Mommy


	6. Time to pick up the pieces

About 3 weeks later Luke and Lorelai were in bed asleep when Lorelai woke up with a sudden pain in her stomach.

She shook Luke awake

" Luke wake up…ow!!

" What why?"

" Luke I'm getting really bad cramps"

" You probably ate too much"

Lorelai started crying from the pain and from Luke's reaction.

Then she felt a warm liquid run down her legs…She put her hand on the moisture and saw that it was blood

She got up, changed and called Sookie…

While Lorelai was downstairs crying Luke was still asleep completely oblivious to what was happening.

**************************************************

When they got to the hospital it was too late…Lorelai had, had a miscarriage…and the empitness she had been feeling for the alst months suddenly got bigger

They cleaned her up and Sookie took her home

When they got out of the car Lorelai was still staring into space until Sookie took her hands and said " Lorelai look at me"

Lorelai looked at Sookie with tears in her eyes " No matter how alone you feel…You're not alone."

Lorelai just nodded and said in a whisper " Thank you Sookie"

She went into her house that suddenly seemed bigger… she got Bella's book and then Luke came in

"Where were you"

"Luke"

"Where were you'

Lorelai closed her eyes and when she did she felt the familiar burning " I was at the hospital"

"Why were you at the hospital?"

Lorelai felt her anger rising

" Luke seriously?"

"yes seriuosly"

" I lost our…my baby Luke"

"What"

"I had a miscarriage… I tried to let you know but you were too busy sleeping…so I called Sookie and she drove me"

Lorelai got Bella's book and opened it, she took off her hospital bracelet and the paper that said why she was in the hospital and put them in the book

She sat there for a while just staring at the word "miscarriage" until Luke said "well is there anything you need"

Lorelai sighed and said quietly

"I needed you …but I never found you"

"Well I'm here now"

"It's too late Luke…I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time…I'm tired of crying…I'm just tired. This isn't who I am Luke…I used to be wonder woman. I want to be wonder woman again but I can't be wonder woman if you keep shattering the little energy and hope I build up…I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore I want to be me again…"

"So this is it"

Lorelai nodded "this is it…you have April I have Rory and she's all I need…god I really loved you Luke"

"What your love for me died all of a sudden"

"No Luke your love for me died…but my love for you didn't die you killed it"

Lorelai sat down and wrote in Bella's book

"I guess it was for the best. I'll miss you Bella. I love you Bella. Always Mommy"

A tear drop landed on the heart messing it up but Lorelai didn't notice. She stood up and said" I'll start packing away some of your stuff"

When Lorelai was upstairs Luke sat down and went to the first page where the pregnancy test was at, then to the page with the ultrasound that he was looking at for the first time…he ran his fingers over it and said " god what have I done"

He went to the page with the hospital bracelet on it he read what Lorelai wrote and a tear drop fell on the other half of the heart making it a heart again under it he wrote

"I'm sorry I know it's too late now but here is your reassurance…your daddy loved you too Bella" and with that he stood up and left

Luke didn't see her but Lorelai had seen everything he did…she went down and sat down she turned the page and wrote

"Hey honey…I know you had your reasons for leaving but now at least you know for sure that both of your parents love you very much. Well I guess this is goodbye…I don't think I'll be able to write in here anymore it hurts too much. Maybe one day when my pain isn't as big but I doubt it. I'll never forget about you though. I love you"

**************************************************

On November 20th Lorelai opened Bella's book and wrote

"Hey the Dr's told me you would be born today…so Happy Birthday sweetie. I realized that it's not your fault that sometimes your mommy can't handle certain things…so each year on November 20 I will write in here wishing you a happy birthday. I love you. Always mommy.

**** ok so One more chapter and then I am done...I am glad you guys have been liking this story...keep reviewing****


	7. There can be miracles when you believe

**** OK people wo the parts where it says "Always Mommy." There is supposed to be a heart in front of the Always so I'm sorry for the confusion the alst chapter may have created.****

4 years later on Lorelai's birthday a little girl with a white dress, dark curly hair and bright blue eyes knocked on Lorelai's door

Lorelai opened the door and saw the little girl and went down to her height "Hi honey"

"Hi"

"Are you lost?"

The little girls nodded

"Are you selling something?"

"Nope"

"Then how can I help you"

"I came to bring you this" and she handed Lorelai a card

"Thank you…sorry I didn't catch your name"

"My name's Isabella"

Lorelai stood up surprised; the little girl smiled and said "Don't open it until I leave"

Lorelai nodded and with that the little girls said "Bye" and left

Lorelai stared in the direction of the little girl then looked down at the card…she opened it and it said

"Happy Birthday Mommy" and it had a picture of a woman and a little girl with wings holding hands and on the corner it said

"I love you. Always Bella"

Lorelai hugged the card to her chest and smiled while a single tear drop fell. Then Rory came to where Lorelai was at and asked "Who was that?"

Lorelai looked at Rory and then at the direction of the little girl and said "your little sister" she smiled hugged Rory and went back inside"

**** I know its really short...but at least its a happy ending. Thanks to all my readers, and to all the people who reviewed****


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